mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
