I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize