I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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