so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
