the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
