I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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