I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
