you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
