her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
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