conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
