just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize