Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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