my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Randomize
