The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
