He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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