I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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