My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize