Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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