By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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