I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
