do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
