Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Randomize
