there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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