i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
