whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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