there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
