Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Everyone says I win the strip club
i need to put some appletini on your dick
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
