Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
