it's too hot outside to masturbate.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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