Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize