i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
