I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
