Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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