dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
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