WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Randomize
