But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
