OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
