I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
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