U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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