Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
