The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Michael Bay diarrhea
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Randomize
