Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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