Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Your penis caused this!
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