In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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