life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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