they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
