i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
