i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
