That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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