I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
