I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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