I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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