I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
