Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
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