never play flip cup with pint glasses
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
