How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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