You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
