Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
