you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
