she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
