A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
third nipple confirmed
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
