Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
