First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
