you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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