I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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