I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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