I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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