Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
