Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize