i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
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