i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
