my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
