Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
