anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
