What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
