I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Drunk is not a location!
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
