Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Randomize
