He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
