So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
