Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Your dad touched me again.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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