Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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