i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Just pee around me
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
