You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
