The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
