i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
