my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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