the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
