I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
